Anchor

City of Boston in the background of the photo

City of Boston in the background of the photo

Spectacle Island2

Bismillah.



I cannot tell you how relieving it is.  To be anchored

Rooted firmly in faith.

Just a few years ago I was a kite at the mercy of the wind of this world.

Every horrible disaster or humanitarian crisis or war would destroy my faith in this world.

That’s because my faith was in this world.

Not to say I had given up on humanity.

I have now anchored myself to that “rope that will never break”.

Faith.

When I walk through this life “as a stranger”.

Devoted to kindness, not because I want them to like me, but because I desire a heavier weight in my scale on the Day of Judgment.

Because I hope to be “shaded under His shade” when there is no other.

Because I pray to be among those “70,000 who will enter without reckoning”.

In the turmoil that exists in the world today…to such a degree that can break my heart…

I am grateful for the island of peace that is my Salah rug.  For my warm bed, my Habibi, my sweet little children, the food on my table and the roof over my head.  I am grateful for all the provision He has written for me and sent down with an angel to my mother’s womb when I was 4 months in-utero.

I pray for all the good that You have decreed for me to befall me, and all the evil that You have decreed to be erased, Ameen.

I pray that those suffering are given some relief in this life, even if it is just a warm piece of bread, a blanket and a smile.

I pray for that relief.

I pray that what You hold for them in their hereafter is so great, so amazing to behold…my humble words stumble at describing it…I pray that those suffering get to behold those things in the hereafter, that the human imagination has no comprehension of.  I pray you give those suffering the highest ranks of Jennah and that they will never remember a day of their suffering on this earth.  I pray this even though I know You have already promised this.  I know You’re the most merciful.

And I am so grateful to You for this anchor that You have given me, had I never found it I would still be drifting alone and miserable in this world.  With no compass to guide me and no island of peace to go to when the hurricane strikes.  My raft was weak, and I never would have survived had You not found me, then taken me to the shore.

Thank You.  I am Forever Grateful.  Alhumdulilah.


Written 3/19/15



Dedicated to all of the struggling Refugees all over the world.  May Allah aid and preserve them, Ameen.

Spectacle Island  Wellfleet Bay 3 Wellfleet BayWellfleet Bay2   Wellfleet Bay 4Wellfleet BeachcombersKids Castle IslandKid Castle Island

Trust. Believe. Be Fearless.

088 Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem. As my sweetest Umi always reminds me, quoting our late beloved Granddaddy: “Nothing beats a failure but a try.” Such a true statement, as terrifying as it may be to stand on that brink of opportunity knowing that you could epically fail.  At the same time you could succeed beyond your wildest imaginings.  Focus, dream big, visualize your success, have faith, and take all the necessary action in order to make your dream come true.  Inshaa Allah.



 I

Alone and dark. Twisting gut Writhing in my bed of insomnia. As the Ruby tipped trees lose their brilliant emerald glow, my mood fades… My soul is hungry for the sweetness of Emman, For my kushoo. the tide is running low. Self-doubt and negativity laps the shore. These days I look longingly out the window but can’t bring myself to want to move from the safety of my bed. As the sun sets on summer, I let my flickering light dwindle.

II

As the knife tight in my gut becomes unbearable, The air of Self-loathing suffocates everything I have left in me to fight it back… I can feel the clock ticking.

III

The child within is tired and ready to give up.

I lift my babies’ face and hold it close to my own.

I kiss her forehead and whisper that it’s going to be ok.

O’ my sweet inner child of hopes and aspirations.

I have let you become bogged down by the world.

By those nagging thoughts that tell you,

“You will Never have what it takes in this life to be successful.”

“Your stupid and weak!”

“There is so much evil here, it’s too much to witness.”

So you cry for them, as you cry for yourself too.

Trusting and believing in God’s Plan for everyone in your heart.

IV

My sweet child whose dreams are so big.

Why did I ever let you believe that to be true?

That “You’re not Good Enough”.

There was a time you could stand on the top of that mountain, shouting out:

“Nothing can stop me!!”

You can climb up there again, look out from that breathtaking view.

You see that dream over there?

The one far in the distance,

Appears insurmountable.

That my dear, is YOUR dream.

You prayed for it.

You sat up long nights praying,

wondering how you would ever get there.

And now you’re this close…and your going to give up?!

Do not ever think you cannot make it.

We did all the hard work; passed over the boulders we thought would never end.

In the distance we dreamed about coming here.

This very place.

We looked up at this twinkling rock in the distance, and longed to reach it.

Our legs were weary but we trudged on.

And now when you see your final accent, before your eyes…this is where you want to turn around?

We have come so far.

So hush up those fears.

Trudge on.

Know that your destiny is sealed.

“The Pen has been Lifted

The Ink is Dry”.

 V

Go forth and believe you can do it. Know that you would not be here if you couldn’t. HE doesn’t work like that. When you meet Your Maker, don’t you want to be able to thank him for the “rope” He “cast down” to you? Or do you want to stand before him, Hanging your head in shame, because you squandered that precious gift of a rope? Go forth, because Your Maker believes in you, He cast that dream in your heart, high up on that mountain. The climb is tiring, and your load cumbersome, but it was written for you. It’s no one “else’s Burden to Bear”.

So be grateful and climb on, you know you can do it.

If He believes in you

Why       don’t      YOU?

IMG_0326

IMG_0331

 

088

IMG_0490

 

 

Dua for the Oppressed

image

 

Ya Rabb (My Lord), Ya Al-Mu’Min (The Giver of Peace), Ya Al-Malik (The Sovereign), Ya Al-Rahim (The Merciful), Ya Al-Darr (The Afflictor), Ya Al-Muhaymin (The Protector)…

Ya Allah who knows the best of all his names, please help them. Ya Al-Mu’Min if they can not have peace on this earth then grant them peace in their hearts on the battlefield and grant them the loftiest of peace in the hereafter. Ya Allah Al- Aziz (The Almighty), Ya Allah Al-Mu’izz (The Honourer), Honor them with the highest of Honors. Ya Al-Adl (The Just), bring justice to the oppressed. Send them thousands of angels to help them, and send those who fear none but you. Ya Al-Halim (The All-Clement), pardon our mistakes and disobedience to you for you are Al-Tawwab The Acceptor of Repentance). Ya Al- Hafiz (The Guardian), please guide those oppressors, soften their hearts to Islam and Ya Al-Wakil (The Trustee), if guidance is not written for them, then protect us Al-Waliyy (The protector) in every way from them.   Give those suffering, strength, patience, and jennah for this trial is great. If they die let it be with li illiah hi il lallah on their lips. Ameen.

 



 

I simply can not look at another image of a babies blown off limbs or another video of young boys, women, men and children being beaten to death. I can not view another picture of the looming smoke over a destroyed Muslim country. My heart aches and my tears run, I feel sick to my stomach. But sometimes we need those images to wake us up.

My power and your power is Dua. It is Ramadan, and if all we are worried about is what we are cooking for Iftar tonight, or what dress we are wearing for Eid then WE ARE THE REASON WHY WE ARE IN THIS STATE. YES. If your heart doesn’t ache for your brothers and sisters all over the world then you need to check the status of your heart. You need to cleanse it and renew it this Ramadan. Make DUA. Make DUA before you break your fast, MAKE DUA in the the last third of the night, MAKE DUA when it rains, MAKE DUA while you are traveling. Make thicker to Allah and keep your tongue wet in remembrance to him and in remembrance of your brothers and sisters who are suffering. I remind myself first and foremost. We are in crisis, and the only way to fix it is to fix ourselves. Allah says “Verily, Allaah will not change the (good) condition of a people as long as they do not change their state (of goodness) themselves (by committing sins and by being ungrateful and disobedient to Allah)” (13:11) It is in our hands, and the hands of Our Lord. Allah has not nor will he ever forsake us. When you are in Sujood and Our Lord has descended to the lowest heaven remember them. For Allah is Maliku’l-Mulk (The Lord of the Kingdom), he is Dhu’l-Jalal, Wa’l-Ikram (The Lord of Majesty and Generosity).

“Oh you who believe! Bow down and prostrate yourselves and serve your Lord, and do good.” (22:77)

I learned this from Al Maghrib Institute today:
Wherever you see dhulm/injustice and oppression in the world today, don’t think Allah will forget it! Whether in this world or in the next, the rights of the people will be upheld!
The Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“Dhulm is of three types:
1. A dhulm that Allah will never forgive
2. A dhulm that He will forgive
3. A dhulm that He will never leave alone

As for the dhulm that that He will not forgive, then that is Shirk. Allah said, “Indeed attributing partners to Allah is a terrible injustice.” (al-Luqmān, 13)

As for the dhulm that He will forgive, then that is the injustice from the people themselves towards their Lord.

As for the dhulm that He will never leave alone, then that is when the people oppress one another. It will not be left alone until everyone receives their right and justice from one another.”
(al-Bazzār, Hasan)

May Allah help and guide us all Ameen.

 

Falling

Love is the sparks of excitement you swallow

Between each kiss.

Love lies in that empty space next to you

in bed, after they’ve gotten up.

The space you crawl into to keep their warmth

and how you secretly smell their pillow as a reminder.

Love is being vulnerable, even when your afraid.

Love Hides;

in between screaming, tears, and slamming doors.

Love is dancing without the need to hold on

for balance.

Love lies in the birth of a sunrise.

When the stars lingering in the clouds fade.

Morning Shines.

Painting sky in colors of dawn.

Ever growing brighter.

“Love is like falling and falling is like this…”**

Lost.

Yet at home, in the middle of the universe.

Butterflies surround your stomach.

Drifting

you feel more free than ever before.

Laughing flows out like rivers

and when your eyes connect

it is as if the other is

Soul Searching.

When I fall this time,

you don’t catch me.

Instead, you too allow yourself to fall in.

Love.


**Quoted from Ani Difranco song.

I wrote this poem on 10/04/01.  I was asked to write it from a good friend Hannah Smith to read at her wedding.

I love this poem but looking back I feel my life has changed so much that I was barely scraping the surface of Love.

This is because as humans we evolve constantly, particularly when we reflect on our lives.  I am a very reflective person and those who know me well know that my life has done at least a 180 degree turn since 2001.  All thanks be to God.  I laugh to myself because at the time of this writing I was still in awe of 9/11.  I remember vividly flying somewhere and checking out all of the other passengers on my flight fearing a terrorist was among us.  You see, I believed the hype.  I was afraid.  There were some men who looked like they were from India that I was skeptical of, then some darker skinned others that I thought may be Arabian.  I had no one to give my fear over to, as I do now.  I also had not broadened my horizons yet, growing up in one of the whitest states of the union had taken its toll on my view of diversity.  I did not yet know about my “knapsack of white privilege”.  I had just begun to study sociology and some of our articles blew my mind into a whole knew way of thinking.  More specifically I had not yet found religion and within it peace.  I had not yet met my husband and really found that true love that was destined for me.

I am so grateful for my personal evolution, revolution, awakening and revelation.  I am grateful for my family, my friends and everyone I have met on this path.  I am grateful for light and deen (religion) and I pray that my path may be forever illuminated by it.

Alhumdulilah, I am forever grateful.  🙂

From my heart.

LOVE you all.

Peace and Blessings (Assalamu Alakium).

204

My Hijab

Bismillah: In Honor of #WorldHijabDay and dedicated to my Muslim sisters all over the world being oppressed because of their choice to cover. I have wrote this poem for you, making my intention pure for Allah alone in sha Allah. Ameen.



My Hijab

Inspired by my favorite Monologue by Eve Ensler: “My Short Skirt”.

Some lines have been taken directly from her piece, I replaced the word “skirt” with “hijab”.


My Hijab.

My Hijab is my crown.

I am a queen, and like a queen I don’t shake hands with strange men.

My Hijab.

My Hijab is peace.

This piece of cloth that covers my aura.

Is serenity.

A sign of submission.

They say it’s a sign of submission to my husband.

I say: No.

Submission to Someone much more important.

Omnipotent.

Allah.

Lord of the Worlds.

My Hijab.

My Hijab is a reminder.

A reminder to myself to behave in the manner I am supposed to:

With integrity.

Peacefully.

Respectfully.

Honestly.

Auspiciously.

Humbly.

Modestly.

My Hijab.

My Hijab may serve as a reminder to other people of how to treat me:

I am not an ornament for your eyes.

My beauty will not be cheapened by using pieces of my body to sell your:

Body wash

Cars or

Power tools.

I will not be used in some misogynists’ music video.

No. You may not have my number.

All that man covets is hard to reach;

Gold and Jewels must be mined.

Oil must be drilled.

Pearls lie

Sealed

In shells

At the bottom of the sea.

Why is my body any different?

My Hijab, believe it or not, has nothing to do with you:

Your laws to ban it.

Your opinion that I’m oppressed.

Your view on my style of expression or belief system.

Your hateful heart and your hands that rip it from my head.

You’re not in charge of my fate

My destiny.

My. Maker. Is.

My Hijab is my Piety.

My non conformation to mainstream.

I will NOT let YOU make me AFRAID.

This is who

I AM.

Before you made it something for people to fear.

And attached words like “Terrorist” to it.

Before you attempt to

Try to make me

Take it off,

or Assimilate.

My Hijab:

Get used to it. It’s not going away.

My Hijab is happiness:

Tranquility.

Serenity.

I am here.

I am empowered.

My Hijab is a liberation.

The Flag in the Muslimah Liberation.

The first movement of ‘feminism’; started by the Prophet Muhammad.

May Peace and Blessings be Upon Him.

I declare these streets

Any streets

My Hijab’s country.

My Hijab’s Universe.

We are free and answer to God Alone.

But mainly

My Hijab and everything under it Is mine.

Mine

Mine

Mine.

My God Given Right.

My Freedom.

My Protection.

My Liberation.

My Dedication to My Maker and

No One Else.

IMG_20160529_1612354